What Could be More Vain?
My mind went (still is) on a journey of recent, and I cannot say it’s good, neither is it bad. I paid a visit to a colleague’s mother in LUTH and my allergy for hospitals heightened. I always complained about a smell, a particular smell I never could get rid of – gosh now I know the smell. The smell of drugs, the smell of decaying wounds, the smell of draining urine, the smell of pus, the smell of blood…I could go on and on, but that’s not why I’m here.
A month or two ago, a friend of mine asked me what my plans were, I was speechless. Very unusual of me, and my friend knew it…so the apparent question was; ‘what was the problem?’ You see I knew what the problem was, I just didn’t know if anyone could understand me. I felt nonchalant all of a sudden; I figured there was really no point to life. If we plan-we die, if we do not plan-we still die. Forgive me if I sound too depressing for you, but trust me that was not my intention.
What really is life? Nothing but a fleeting moment…no matter how long the moments last, they still pass. Briefly let me give you a picture into the echoes of agony that rang in my head. I saw a young lady living on the support of oxygen; pretty and going by her bare finger – unmarried. Then there was an old lady with severe burns all over, of course my colleague’s mother with a foot about to be amputated, a very old woman with head the size of a watermelon and kitted with pampers – and the list is endless.
Needless to say that there were people in there who had no idea where they were…they laid there like lifeless bodies and only with the rhythm of their breath could you tell that they were still alive. I wake up every morning, I eat, I hustle for bus, I complain about my job and how my pay is poor and how I need a new job…me thinks I need forgiveness.
I stopped making plans because I thought it wasn’t worth it and believe me, I still don’t believe otherwise. I put up on my Facebook about a week ago that we lose ourselves while trying to find ourselves – me sometimes think why try to find ourselves at all. Of course I started planning again (I will be super stupid not to), but I don’t sweat it. I figure if I had my way I would rather just sleep, eat and wake till the end comes, but then again I really want to make a difference. Life is fleeting as it is, I don’t want to compete with life by being just another fleeting element – just so we can find out which is more fleeting, life or me?
If you think I have been going on and on without actually saying anything, you are probably right – I think so too. My point however is, life is vain…too vain. The only excuse I look to when I try to find the reason why we even bother to accomplish anything in this life is because God said “Occupy till I come”, so I guess we’ll do just that. But if you have not gotten to the point where you can accept that there really is nothing in this life, then you live in deception – me thinks, only in losing the value we place on life, do we really find the value of life.
A last word though is while we are here, let’s do something worthwhile. I can never say this enough, but let’s bless lives - or even if it’s just one life. Now I think to myself, if I must live in this life; then it should be for just two things; to be happy and to make happy. Whatever you do that makes you happy – do it well, whatever you do that makes people happy – do it well. What more can we ask for, if we see the breaking of a new dawn in good health and peace of mind – then I believe that is all there is.
If you just read this and you think “gosh, just another rant”…then you still do not get it; and I am not sorry, but I’m sorry for you. Because guess what, writing this piece, made me happy and I’m pretty sure someone out there is happy to read this.
I want to end this now and all I can think of is; I’m blessed if I’m alive, I’m pretty if I’m alive, I’m rich if I’m alive, I’m content if I’m alive – I’m grateful, because I’m alive!!!