The Father I Never Had
“I made that loud noise my mother always called a funny name I can’t remember right now, but I was laughing so hard my sides began to hurt, as my father threw me up in the air and caught me repeatedly. He threw me so high my eyes were starting to turn, but 5 year old me didn’t have the heart to tell my daddy to stop…plus I was enjoying it!!! It had become a routine for us both, anytime my daddy came back from work, he would throw me up a number of times, and then reveal the goodies for the day. At long last he put me down and instantly I part ran and part staggered to his bag and began emptying its contents, in search of what he had bought for me.
Disappointed, I came up with nothing. Thinking my dad had forgotten to buy something for me, my lips began to shake as I faced him and tried soo hard to hold back the tears. I should have known though… as his face started to look really funny like he was trying not to laugh… before I had the time to wonder why his face suddenly looked strange, a huge bar of chocolate appeared from no where. I totally forgot my father was human as I practically flew into his arms and had both of us almost falling to the ground. As I bit down on my chocolate, I smiled to myself thinking life could’t be more beautiful than this and just then my mummy chuckled from behind, all the whiile watching our father-daughter drama. Life was complete for me!!!”
The wind was knocked out of my lungs momentarily as my mummy grabbed me out of the way of a flying object which I seconds later identified as what used to be the frame that housed our family picture. I almost jumped out of my skin at the sound of the frame hitting the wall reminding me that it could have been my face or worse still my head. My mother shoved me under our dinning table in an attempt to keep me from the shards of glass flying everywhere. As usual my daddy had come home late in the night very drunk and was picking a fight with my mum for what I had no idea. He did this every night, so a part of me was a little used to it, but then the hiding place just kept changing. Last night my mum had carried me to my room and locked me in, the night before it was the store room where we kept our foodstuffs….now I wondered where next I would end up.
Most times, I wished I could just disappear with my mum and leave this mad man called my father. I watched as my mum knelt helplessly before him, pleading with him to stop and think of their daughter ( i guess that’s me). The idea of my existence must have erupted a volcano inside of him, as he was in a flash on my mum, pounding her mercilessly. Without thinking, I rushed at my father with rage…but what was I expecting, a five-year old girl against a grown up man (and a drunk one at that). He swatted me away like a fly, but that little swat was more than enough to land me at the other end of the room, and yet again I had the air knocked out of me, only that this time, it wasn’t momentarily.
“Daaddddyyyyy!!!” I shrieked (yes, I remember now that funny word my mum always used). My dad had come to tuck me into bed and he was tickling me so hard I could no longer contain mysef, I laughed so hard I kept farting at intervals. He placed a peck on my forehead and said “Goodnigt Angel”…”Goodnight Daddy” I replied. I closed my eyes contented and drifted off to sleep”.
The silent moaning sounds beside me were what brought me back, I opened my eyes to see my mother cradling my head between her thighs and weeping silently you almost couldn’t hear a sound. I looked around and saw my father lying seemingly lifeless on the ground; I guess he must have gotten tired of pounding, he eventually let my mum go. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying really hard to return to the world I so much preferred, to the world where I knew what it was to really have a dad; but try as I could, duh…I was so stuck here. Stuck only with the fantasies of a father I never had!!!